All my life I tried to fit into an invisible box.

A box with lines that were only spoken, never seen. It hurt to not fit inside.

The usual question asked in childhood: “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

What I want to be might be something that has never been before.

Sometimes I feel like my twenties were wasted, as I searched and carved through many different paths. I also know; no time, no experience, no success, and no failure, is ever wasted. All that we experience, without a doubt, leads us to where we are meant to be.

Each path winds up being more connected than not, in some way linked by a hidden thread.

Sometimes life feels driven by an invisible force so powerful, our level of consciousness can't quite comprehend it, no matter how hard we try.

Yet, if we get quiet enough; if the world gets quiet enough, we might be able to hear the whispers of our true self. And with patience, acceptance, hard work, and surrender to the unknown, we will inevitably arrive at our truth, and one day, we will be her.

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The pandemic we are in has been extraordinarily stressful for just about every one on the planet. That’s a lot of global stress.

It’s impacted me financially, mentally, and emotionally.

It's also become one of the greatest periods of my life.

It has provided an opportunity for me to wake up out of the day-to-day slumber I found myself in and has created space for me to see myself in ways I never have.

In some ways, it’s provided a wake up for the world; I read somewhere that the softer people can now speak louder.

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Since the world came to a complete pause as we know it, I have been able to think more clearly.

Life is much more simple when you stay home all the time.

I have epiphanies and my brain feels like a sky full of shooting stars.

Sometimes I whisper them under my breath, sometimes I speak them out loud.

I need to brand them into my brain so I can move forward with these truths and remind myself when I feel like giving up.

It’s as simple as finally understanding my Self and coming to the realization of:

"What on earth have I been doing with my time?” “Why did it take me so long to realize my power?”

How could I have succumbed to my deeply engrained beliefs and behaviors that held me back my whole life.

What do I really care about? What actually matters now?

My entire life up until this point, I was asleep to my own greatness.

To my own humble power that is so apparently present.

I’m experiencing a subtle awakening in my cells, finally beating to my own drum. The drum of my heart and soul that belongs outside of the box. The box that we are primed and painted inside, handcuffed to it's very invisible but powerful existence.

From the time we are young, our souls are plastered like a papier-maché, slathered and moulded into what the world wants us to be.

The unconscious projections are passed down from our parents, our grandparents, our teachers, and ever so well-meaning friends.

The subconscious fear that’s been imprinted, so silently holding us back and keeping us in boxes…the invisible boxes of false life.

Most aren't even slightly aware of how the daily cycle of stress and fear that we’re hooked into, is designed to keep us small and quiet.

Most of us do not thrive staring at empty computer screens and glued to desks for next-to-nothing pay.

We do not thrive in mindless operations that make the world run as we know it.

We do not thrive being bombarded by fear-based news on repeat 24 hours a day.

Who are we working for? Who do we really want to be? Those are the pervading questions I am asking now.

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We all carry a unique greatness inside.

The key is to listen for it, and then run with it for as long as you want.

Then change, grow, become another version of you.

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I only finally, just now, have a palpable understanding of Ursula K. Le Guin's quote - “The creative adult is the child who survived.”

The child who survived all the heartbreaking conditioning and control is the one who turns into the creative adult.

There is still a child inside of every one of us. We are all like children walking around in adult suits, pretending like we know what’s going on. I don’t think we actually do.

But I know that being creative is a remedy for adulthood.

Be creative with your one precious life.

Life is an art form.

Nature creates, destroys, and creates again. It's energizing and it's exhausting, and it never stops. We are just like nature, through our springs, summers, autumns, and winters.

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And I will now sit here, realizing I am the child, who survived.

I will continue to create and continue to remember that I AM the creative adult who survived.

And I will keep creating, because it is all there is left to do.

The Creative Adult Is The Child Who Survived

14 days of hotel quarantine

Death As Motivation