ONE LAYER AT A TIME
Trauma arises in layers. Our body is very intelligent. Our body and our mind bring up the content that is ready to be worked with. It does not matter if the core wound is where the current issue originates. We must not push, force, or bring up anything beyond what someone is bringing forth on their own.
As I always speak of, paying attention to the wisdom of the body is the guidepost. Stick with what feels safe and resonates for you.
I learned the hard way, what happens when trauma is provoked when we don’t have the internal safety, window of tolerance, or capacity for it. It can be dangerous and detrimental, and this is why trauma-aware and trauma-informed care is needed in all forms of healthcare, allopathic and “alternative”.
In the first week of July 2020 (at the height of my “anxiety” which turned into “panic disorder” a few weeks later) I went to a new well-meaning acupuncturist/healer. Desperately searching for help, I had a gift certificate for her and hoped she would be able to help with my persistent heart palpitations, worries, and bodily sensations. Upon my first session, I presented with heightened anxiety and spoke of it to her. At that time I shared with her that I was feeling a new layer of grief about my parents divorce, which was a significant trauma to bare at 4 years old. I shared that this was really present for me, and I thought it was the root of what was presenting as “anxiety”.
She suggested that the trauma goes back further, to the original trauma of this lifetime.
My birth.
She asked me to tell the story of my birth, which I described to her and only recently understood that my birth was considered a “near-to-death birth”. She confirmed that that seemed to be the core wound, and that must be what is worked on in the present moment to help clear the anxiety (this was true, but I now know I wasn’t ready to go there yet). She led me towards that, and with a limited sense of self (chronic anxiety makes it near impossible to trust ourselves), no agency, and tremendous suffering, I obliged.
She did some powerful body work around my neck and shoulders and jaw (during my birth, after my head came out, my body didn’t follow - my shoulder was stuck under my mother’s pelvis and my face turned blue). I was lucky my mother had such a skilled midwife who was also a registered nurse. I was born at home.
And in this session with the acupuncturist, she guided me towards unlocking some big emotions from the way she manipulated my head - it was a very powerful release and what someone might call a type of re-birthing experience. But the thing is, I was so very anxious when she started. I was not resourced. I could not regulate my nervous system, I didn’t feel connected to my body to be able to tell her it was too much to go that deep in the first session.
A few days later I experienced a panic attack that landed me in the Emergency Room (and this was not my first panic attack). I was guided into content I was not ready for. Content I didn’t have the internal safety for. (A caveat, I have known my birth story forever. I knew what happened and have told it many times before. But this time, I was at the height of anxiety. I was not in my body, not connected to it, and not feeling safe. This was not the time to dig into the core wound.)
From what I understand, as my naturopath/homeopath and mentor has taught me, homeopathy is designed to treat the presenting issue at hand, even if the core issue is known to be the causation. Homeopathy does not dig further than necessary until the body is ready for the next layer.
I believe the same philosophy would be wise to use in any type of trauma work. Every human organism is uniquely intelligent and is designed to find homeostasis. Every human organism must be honored as the best barometer of what one is ready to look at, integrate, and resolve.
If we desire to dig deeper into the root of someone's pain, before they are ready for it, it may be re-traumatizing. Those of us in this work might desire to be efficient and thorough when we can see the root. But it can bring up material we are not ready for. We must remember to trust the body and its signals. To trust what the mind and body bring forth, for our intelligence knows what is ready to be looked at, and we must not push, poke, or prod deeper than we are ready for.
Listen to your body when in healing spaces with coaches, counselors, therapists, acupuncturists and healers. Pay attention to how your body feels if someone suggests something that you don’t feel ready for. Notice the response within. Follow your body and its wisdom always. You can trust your body.
